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"The One" - Relationship Advice

I've had a lot of questions and a lot of thoughts about "The One" lately. How do you know he's "The One"? How do you get his attention if you think he might be "The One"? How do you keep him from running off if he's "The One"?

First of all, stop asking me. I'm a writer, not a prophet, fortune teller, or carnival side show. I have no idea about what the future holds for you as a specific person.

Secondly, if you really want my advice - my honest opinion about the matter - then I'll give it to you. Don't cry if it isn't what you want to hear. If you just want somebody to say "He must be your soul mate and you are definitely getting married!" then go tell a teenage girl about your relationship. That seems to be their programmed response to every person in an adult relationship in their life who they look up to. Finally, here is my advice. And I'm stopping after that because this note is starting to look like a high school English essay in which a student makes his or her points listed out in paragraph format but has no idea what is acceptable for paragraph length or content. #1 If you are a teenager, he's probably not "The One." This isn't something to be upset or sad about though, it is good for us to date many people in our time to decide what we like and dislike about other people and what the best attributes are in a mate. #2 If he has brought up the topic of sex and shown an interest in having it with you without any sort of legal commitment, he's probably not "The One." I have had SO MANY friends in my day who meet a guy, sleep with him, then come crying to me when it doesn't work out! They wonder "Why can't I just find a good guy?" and my response (once I'm done comforting them, of course) is "Well, you give it away so easy and scrubs can smell a slut from a mile away!" #3 If his entire life completely revolves around you and he has no other friends or interests, he's probably not "The One." That might sound kind of backwards, but he needs to have a life of his own before he can bring anything to the table in your life. #4 If his idea of a ring to propose to you is something he bought on sale at Wal-Mart, he's probably not "The One." Now, I get a lot of argument here from people because they think that being interested in a guy who can buy you nice things is shallow. That's not what I mean, though! You need a guy who can manage his money, make a living for himself, and has no problem sharing it with you. #5 If you have to constantly remind him not to look at other women, or he does things that make you jealous when he KNOWS you will get jealous, he's probably not "The One." This is especially true of any guy who has ever cheated on a girl because once a cheater, always a cheater. I never believed that myself, and I have actually serial-dated reformed cheater after reformed cheater and wondered why I always wound up getting cheated on and crying at the end. Duh, because that statement is so true! It is a rare case that a cheater ever actually changed his (or her) ways without serious psychiatric assistance, religion, or a huge lifestyle shift. Most of which people are too terrified of anyhow! #6 If you find yourself checking out other guys, flirting with other guys, or even cheating on your guy, then he's probably not "The One." That just goes to show that there's something you desire in your man that he's lacking, and you aren't going to be satisfied without it. #7 If either of you are trying to change the other person's personality, lifestyle, fashion, friends, or personal choices, then he's probably not "The One." The whole idea behind a guy being "The One" is that he is already the perfect one for you and you are the perfect one for him. Sure, you will both have to make little sacrifices here and there, compromise a little, but the things I listed are not little compromises, they are big, personality-based ones. These are the things that make each person who they are inside and if those need to change then it's time to move on. That sounds like enough out of me for now. Nobody paid me to write this, I am just laying it down straight to everyone who reads this because there are SO MANY mixed messages out there for young women with weddings on the brain! Magazines, web sites, books, even sometimes parents just tell their kids to go out and "have fun" with whomever they want, not caring about how they crush hearts (including their own) along the way. Trust me, few women know how exhausting it is to have to wait for their true love to come along the way I've had to. Most just hop on the first guy who offers a ring (or gives them a kid, whether they want it or not). Then they wonder why their lives are miserable later on. My time hasn't come yet, though, and I am a very impatient person! Therefore, you can wait, it's possible. J.M. Hope

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